Monday, December 10, 2012


So, I had to buy new work pants. What a chore. It's like pulling teeth with me.

See, I'm usually a 20W-tall. Which does not exist. 20W exists. 20 tall (or long, depending on the manufacturer) exists. 20W-T does not. Fudge.

I usually get my khakis from Old Navy. I can buy their 20W online and not only do I have to save myself the embarrassment of buying fat-girl sizes in front of skinny people, they always have a decent selection.

...When they're not $35 a pair!! When the hell did this happen?? I remember paying $20 and even then I thought that was too much!

So anyway, I go to Target, another place I RARELY buy clothing from because of the A-prices, and B- a 20 fits like a 12, and a XXL top fits like a belly shirt.

Really, Target, we know what you're doing. You're making skinny people clothing with big-girl tags so the skinny ones can "feel what it's like to buy fat clothes but not be actually fat"... well, that's MY theory anyway.

To make this a quick post, I tried an 18 for shits and giggles. I figured it would be a nice story to tell my kids one day.

...............They didn't fit!!

........................ THEY WERE TOO BIG!!

Huzzah! So, not only am I out of the 18/20 range, I'm in a 16!! I haven't fit in a 16 since high school!!

That's my proud story for today. I leave you with..... a new song I'm in love with!! :) :) <3 <3

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

A Blast from the Past

Well, what a November it has been!

-I hit a new low of 210. I can feel 200 coming up, and I welcome that number with open arms!
-I survived Black Friday! Huzzah!
-I am 95% done with my Christmas shopping! DOUBLE HUZZAH!

Now, for my main idea. A blast from the past. This is a homage to my childhood/adolescence. I have always been a pretty positive person. I have my moments, my doubts, my disagreements; but ask anyone who has known me forever and I'm probably described as "permanently happy".

This is actually a bit true, and a bit false. I have many more moods than radiant and gleeful, but I have found that being a sour puss through life is just going to make it harder to cope. So, I be happy. I smile, I help, I put 110% into my everyday life so that it's easier. After all, you attract more bees with sugar, right?

So, that being said, there are a few things that can cause an instant bad day for me. Stubbing a toe or finger is near the top of that list. It just hurts and hurts and the pain radiates through the rest of the limb... it just plain sucks.

What tops my list of instant-bad-day though? Being called a "brown-noser". Not a suck up, not a teacher's pet, but actually being called a brown-noser.

I liken that word to me as the word "cunt" is to women in general, or the "N" word to a black person. I do not appreciate it, and I think it's a vile word.

Look- I get it. Some people don't understand why I'm so agreeable, or understand that maybe I don't totally hate my job, or prefer to be in a good mood. But just because you are miserable at your job, or maybe you think that my willingness to be the volunteer or boss's go-to-gal means I'm trying to get ahead, but that's just ridiculous.

This happened on Saturday. This miserable old woman that I work with called me a brown-noser after I congratulated another associate for coming in early to help the store out. At my store, I'm the morale-booster. I high five everyone when I come in, offer nice words, and simply try and make the work environment a little less miserable, because we all know how stressful retail can be during the holiday season.

It put me in a sour mood for the rest of the day. I just don't understand why some people WANT to make those around them miserable?! I really don't remember much of the day itself, but towards the end of the day my boss caught up with me and managed to get it out of me. He really turned into the father-figure and instead of blowing it off childishly, he gave me some comfort and told me that I'm better than that, and that I shouldn't let people bring me down. Especially me, because according to him I'm the "beacon of the store, and the store is a better place when I'm working."

I know right?! How nice of him to say that. I felt a million times better after I left. I snuck into his office and left him a "thank you" on a sticky note, because that little extra effort he made to be compassionate needed to be returned in favor. Now he knows that I truly appreciated his advice.

So, lesson of this story? Words are just words. They aren't brick, and they don't have to be made into weapons. It's about how you handle the situation. I handled mine poorly, and chose to dwell on the feelings instead of rising above them and being the better person. Now I know that I truly am appreciated at work, and if anyone tries to bring me down I will just smile at them a little brighter and sing my song a little louder, because stooping to their level isn't going to happen anymore.


Have a happy week!

((And to be kind of mean, here's a song to get stuck in your head!))

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

To life, liberty, and the pursuit of 150 pounds.

Good morning!
I just got back from my orthopedic doctor's appointment for my 3-month check-up. I did not drop the 15lb he wanted, only about 6-7 of it actually. But, he didn't say anything bad. Instead, he focused on the good. My 20lb drop since starting to see him, the increased flexibility in my knees, and generally less knee pain than before I started seeing him. He's a very positive person, and has frequently said he doesn't want to do anything invasive for at least 2 years, possibly longer since I am really taking his advice and losing weight and doing my exercises.

Then I dropped a bombshell on him. I'm not doing the knee exercises. I try, but 5 minutes to sit and flex my knees isn't really something high on my list. He burrowed his brow, but said nothing for a moment. Then:

Doc: "How often do you go to the gym?"
Me: "Not often enough. Maybe twice a week."
Doc: "Do you not like going? Why pay all that money if you don't use it to your full advantage?"
Me: Pondering.... "I guess I just don't make the time."
Doc: "Well, let's try a new strategy. Don't do the knee exercises at home. Make it a part of your gym routine. After stretching but before you begin any serious workouts, get on that knee machine and take 5 minutes with no weight to get the blood flowing. This way, you get the exercises in, you have more motivation to be there more often, and you don't need any fancy chair at home in the way."
Me: "Challenge accepted."

So, that's my challenge for the next three months until my next appointment. He said if I drop another 5-10lbs that's great, but he wants me to focus on the knee exercises more than anything. Oh, and cut about 200-400 calories out of my daily intake.

That's the easy part. Soda and I have officially broken up. For good. I'm not going back. That should easily cut at least 100 if not 200 out of my day. Then, Doc asked that I add more veggies and fruits. In some form or another (yogurt, frozen, etc). So there I go. More fruits and veggies, which means I can eat more quantity of, because I have cut out sodas and will cut back on the bad stuff. (I don't eat sweets or chips now, I just don't fill my plate with fruits/veggies like I should.)

I feel like shit when I only make it to the gym once a week. I feel that on top of a 40ish hour workweek and the [[AT LEAST]] 7-10 hours I spend on schoolwork, I don't leave a lot of time for John and I.

Let's break it down:

-Hours in a week: 168
-Sleeping (8.5hrs per night): -61
-Working (incl drive time): -40
-Schoolwork (@ home): -10
-In class: -3

So that leaves me with 54 free hours, broken down over 7 days is 7.75 hours per day.

Now, I didn't include meals, or the hour or so John and I are usually in bed watching TV before sleeping, or the hour-ish per day I take to get ready for work (that includes eating, showering, etc).

But, looking at that, I see where I waste my time. Here. In front of the computer. I think I need to get a timer. No more than 1 hour of surfing the web per day. (homework and school functions not included). I will spend at least 1 hour with John prior to bedtime, hopefully I can get him out of the house and on a walk or something?

I think my challenge to myself for the next week will be to accurately record my time, and what I do with it. We'll see where time gets wasted.

For now, I'm gonna run to the grocery store. I need something to cook for tonight, and maybe stock up on a couple of fruits/veg for the next couple of days. :)

Sunday, November 11, 2012


I have been battling with finding a tea that I could tolerate. Note what I said:


So, instead of doing it the smart way and getting samples or buying single bags, I buy a box of what I think I can tolerate and hope for the best. This is why I have 3 boxes of tea I will never ever touch again. I have a plan for those. I plan to bring them in to work and set them on our communal "free for all" table we share and let my coworkers have free tea. Because I don't want to just throw them away, and no one in this house will drink these teas.

Well, I have discovered a tea I tolerate. Hell, I even sorta like it. And I sorta like it HOT, which is an even bigger accomplishment! I HATE, HATE, HATE hot tea. It's gross. It's hot. It's yucky.

So, without further ado, meet my new breakfast buddy:

It's zero calorie of course, and I am beginning to enjoy it hot. Which means I will very much like it iced. Huzzah for me!

I use a Publix-brand zero calorie sweetener (it's Splenda, but the generic brand), and I only use 2tsp per 8oz, which doesn't give me that icky spenda flavor. I may even cut back on the sweetener because I can faintly taste it when I get towards the bottom of my mug.

So, yeah. Just thought I'd share a positive to my week. Because with all of the homework I'm going to be doing, I have a feeling this is going to be one shitty week for me. :-\

Until a later date, enjoy this (I know you will, Amy!)

Friday, November 9, 2012

Holiday Challenges and the DREADED Christmas List making!

It's a two-fer Friday! :) I have TWO things I want to blog about today!

Firstly, Holiday challenges. This is actually for two reasons: firstly, I joined the Holiday Challenge on LoseIt. It's simple, just log your food every day. I figured since I flake sometimes when I have no challenge, that this will help. And so far it has. I get up in the morning, eat breakfast, and log the previous day's lunch and dinner as well as today's breakfast to get started.

I don't see a "challenge" in doing this, other than keeping up that routine. Maybe, I can take my Kindle to the gym with me and update my logs as I'm hiking up the trail on the elliptical, followed of course by an episode of Supernatural. (BTW Amy- I have watched the first 2 ep's of season 2 and let me just say I cried!)

The second reason to blog today is about Christmas. Now, ALL of my friends and family know that I absolutely DO NOT get into the "Holiday Spirit" until after Thanksgiving, which is the way it SHOULD be. But this year I've decided to make an exception to the rule and at least begin gift-planning for Christmas before TurkeyDay.

With news reports saying that Americans will spend up to 33% less on gifts this year I think that maybe our stupid economy might be starting to learn to live within its means. I mean, I know most of my gifts this year will be edible or consumable in some form, simply because A- they pretty much have everything they want already, and B- my budget just doesn't fit with giving extravagant, useless shelf-sitters.

Case and point: I have been using Pintrest to get ideas, and boy has it been following through with that! And, with the new opportunity to have a "secret board"... I can pin holiday gift ideas WITHOUT anyone knowing! :) YAY! This means I have somewhere to write down and look for gifts for my husband! Who is the second HARDEST to buy for after his own MOTHER! lol

John and I have already purchased some gifts... little things here and there, so tonight I'm guessing that we are going to sit down and make the list of people we want to buy for. I have a few ideas for some people planned, so hopefully he'll be receptive to some of those ideas. :)

Anyway, off to make my lunch and defrost in the shower! It's COLD this morning! It's 51 degrees outside and my toes are frozen! O.O (Amy, no laughing at how cold I get at 51 degrees... as a Floridian I am cold whenever it drops below 70!!)

My favorite Christmas song, using Christmas lights, and to the tune played by an AWESOME group.

Thursday, November 8, 2012

SCIENCE!! Finally, some sort of advancement!

Just a quickie... I had to share this video with you. It's pretty freaking fantastic!!

That is all. Enjoy your Thursday everyone!

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Breakfast : my enemy.

As you know, I've been struggling with my food. Let me tell you the biggest issue I am having and the hurdle I have to eventually conquer.


 Sounds simple, right? I mean, just how complicated can breakfast get?? But that's the thing. I am not exactly a bright and perky morning person, and when I was growing up cereal was always available in my house. And I would eat it. My brother and I could go through a standard 10-serving size box in 2-3 days. We'd have big heaping bowls of anything from Raisin Bran to Cap'n Crunch to Cheerios to Fruity Pebbles. It was whatever we felt like putting in the buggy when we went grocery shopping with our parents.

Well, I still have that nasty habit today. I can eat a mean bowl of cereal. And I do. And I hate it. I'm throwing away 500-600 calories on a meal that in three to four hours makes me starving once again.

So, it's time for a game plan. I organized the pantry last night after our quick and small shopping trip and I have SO MUCH breakfast stuff it's not even funny. I'm going to write out what I have and plan some meals around it. I will have to cook of course, and maybe that will encourage me to actually get up at a decent time and even cook for my husband (who is NOT a breakfast eater at all!).

About that list.....

-Granola (goes in yogurt)
-Apples and Grapes (and sometimes other fruits as well)
-Oatmeal (instant packages and quick cook oats)
-Pancake mixes (I love those Martha White muffin mixes; just add alittle oil and an egg and they make excellent pancakes!)
-Bread (for toasting of course) ;-)
-Cream cheese, jelly, and other breakfast food toppings
-Trail mix bars, nutrigrain bars, and other handheld snack-type items that can be on-the-go
-and of course.... Cereal

I needed no effort to make that list at all, nor did I need to look in the pantry to check what I had. What I need to do is rotate the food I eat. Most of those choices aren't high in calories and take less than 15min to fully prepare a good breakfast from them. I think I can make some decent meals out of this, which my body will not devour and then beg me for more food in 3 hours.

I think I'm going to do just that. I think I'll cook some pancakes and eggs! Yum!

Enjoy your Tuesday! (Also- don't forget to vote if you are in the U.S.!)

Monday, November 5, 2012

My brain hurts!

I have been struggling these last few weeks to do a lot. I feel as though I have a lot on my plate, and I don't even have kids!! O.O

As of right now, I am juggling the following:

-40 hour work week
-2 college courses, one online, one on campus
-a group project for one of the above mentioned classes, which is unsuccessful at the moment due to my group's lack of communication. We have already booted one member, I'm in the process of booting another.
-an analytical paper for the other above college class, which is due on Sunday and I actually have yet to begin....
-keeping track of my food logs, and actually LOGGING them!
-trying to get to the gym more than once a week
-finding a spare moment for my sanity
-planning for my poor Christmas, which means I am crafting A LOT of the gifts myself..

I just feel so overloaded. The Anniversary getaway with John was absolutely wonderful, as I did not think about most of the list above for 4 days. It was excellent! Now that I'm back I'm at the mercy of my brain, which hurts from all of the thinking I'm doing! :-\

One tip I'd like to offer some of you (yeah, you 2 readers! lol) is about balancing the food you eat when you're at home. I have a hard time knowing that my days off can be ruined simply because I stay at home working on school stuff all day with a relatively full pantry at my disposal. Now, I actually have no candy to speak of hidden in there (the closest thing would be cake and brownie mixes), but I do have a few bags of various chips, crackers, popcorn, etc. I am a snacker, and it kills me when I grab a bag with the intention of eating a serving size and look down later to see nothing but crumbs left. So, I devised a strategy which I will test out on Wednesday::

Instead of knowing you have an entire fridge and pantry at your
disposal during your days off, treat it like a work day!
Pack a "breakfast, lunch, and snacks" for when the
kids/husband aren't home, and plan your dinner meal ahead
of time so you know what you'll be eating! This is genius! I will end up doing
this, because it is my days off, when I'm home ALONE mind
you, that I tend to hover in the kitchen from 7am to 4pm when the boys get home. :)

I may also print out a sign that says "Off limits" or "What's in your lunch box??" to help make myself feel guilty if I try and get in there. I think that if I limit myself to what I "pack" I will snack less and maybe drink more water. I know Amy tried drinking a full glass of water beforehand when she had a craving for (pop I think it was??), but maybe it will work for general snacking cravings as well. :)

As for everything else, I feel like I have so much to say but nowhere to begin! So, I'll end this for now, as my shoulder is getting sore from propping my hands up on my desk for support on the computer, and maybe since I have no more reading to do for any of my classes tonight take a couple of Aleve and go to bed early.

Pleasant dreams!

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Oktoberfest 2012

So, a twofer-Thursday is in order! Last Friday and Saturday, Brian, Jeanette, Julie, John and I went to Oktoberfest (yes we went 2 days!)

It was quite fun! I do look forward to coming, not just for the awesome German food, but also for just having a good time with my husband and our friends. It's nothing spectacular, just a big outdoor scene with a little carnival area and a big tent that has live German music all night long.... it really is fun!

So, I think I'm just going to pack this post full of pictures! I apologize ahead of time, my camera is not SUPER awesome so they might be alittle blurry, and also the ones where I'm in the shot means a drunk person took them. Seriously. Everyone got drunk the first night, I was the DD for both.

Let's begin!

From L-R: Jeanette, Brian, Julie (mother-in-law), John, Me!

John and his Mom sharing a beer moment!

As DD, I was responsible, and only had Sierra Mist!

Jeanette & Brian enjoying some Hefferveisen!

A very nice picture of my favorite cousin/"sister" and her boyfriend, whom is also my roomie :)

"Brother Training". We made them (totally drunk BTW) hold hands because John hurt Brian on accident and they turned it into a very good photo-op :)

Drunken Couple :)

Yup, Brian is photobombing a very nice picture of John & his Mom. Don't worry, I have a non-Brian shot too, this one just seemed better :)

Ringssssssssss. We did this shot alot for our Honeymoon. I think it's our thing. :)

Brian with his secret mistress, AKA- Miss Oktoberfest

The ladies. And two of my very most favorites!

Messing with the cutout thingy..

I do like my face here, except the red-eye part LOL


The End!

Reset Button

So, last week (the 15th) I got sick. I think it was the flu, because it certainly kicked my ass for a few days before the fever broke and I began to feel like a human again. I started to recover by Thursday-ish, although I think then I got a sinus and chest infection because I became all stuffy and runny, and I had this wicked smoker's cough that is actually still around even today.

Anyway, this thing hit me so hard it sidelined me from the gym. Understandable, as if I couldn't breathe normally, how was I to breathe during a workout? Not to mention infecting all of the people who would use the machines after me. It was just courtesy and common sense to not go. It killed me not to go though, as I had been going at least twice a week since I joined in August.

So, enter the second week. John goes away Sunday night and he won't be back until this coming Saturday! :( I should be excited, right? I mean, with no one to "answer to" I can go to the gym without having to worry about who is doing what for supper and so on. But nope, this chest congestion still has me sidelined.

I know what you're thinking. You're saying to the screen: but Jules... why not just work out at home? With free weights or a DVD?

Because I let myself slack and didn't have the willpower to overcome the laziness this week! :-(

At least I can admit it. I am true enough to myself now that I feel like an ass that I haven't gotten any exercise in, and yet I still can't find the motivation to do so this week. It's been a few months since I have felt this terrible, and it's because I have not had any exercise, adding to the fact that my diet has pretty much reverted back into it's old terrible self.

I'm frustrated!!! I'm ashamed!!! I'm disappointed!!!

But, now that I know the problem, I can fix it! Today at work I will have the schedule for next week. I'm pretty sure I'll be working from Sunday through Wednesday, because John and I are going to Orlando Thursday through Saturday. I have homework that needs to be completed, and I have no excuse not to fit a workout in for 2 days before I go! ((AND- make use of the hotel's "gym" and do a quick workout at some point while we are there!))

So, this is my reset button. I'm pushing it, and it may take a few days for my systems to be up and running like they have been, but I know I pushed the button and can now focus on going back to eating right and exercising!

Monday, October 15, 2012

Just another Manic Monday

Good morning! :-(

I'm stuffy. I'm sick. This sucks. I hate breathing through my mouth (unless I'm 40ft underwater) and I'm fatigued. My whole body feels as if it's been through the ringer, like a boxer came and beat on me in my sleep. And my throat is feeling on the brink of swelling up and becoming all scratchy! UGH.

I may try and swing into the gym tonight after work to take advantage of their steam room.... that will clear my sinuses!

Last night I sat and fattily ate an entire pint of Ben & Jerry's. BAD JULIE! :( :(

I have a [not-so-valid] excuse! Our dryer broke! It stopped being all hot! It runs, but without heat my clothes don't dry! :-\ ARG!
John managed to take it apart and we found a decomposing snake in the tube that vents the air... which was pretty disgusting. I didn't think to take pictures because John was on the verge of becoming sick and I wanted it OUT OF MY HOUSE asap!
He tinkered to the point where the "low heat" setting works, but then it takes 2+ cycles to dry a medium load of laundry. >.< Oh well, it least I'll have work clothes to wear!

Today I'm starting anew. I had a bowl of cereal for breakfast, and after this little blog I'm going to pack myself a PB&J sammich, a banana, yogurt, some water, and possibly a special K bar. But I'm back on the horse! No more not eating lunch or going out to get my food. I have perfectly good food here in the house that will cost me ZERO dollars to prepare and bring. Plus, I'm going to TRY and quit soda. That will make for one grumpy Julie. My plan is to cut back this week (I am back to the point of at least 1 if not 2 a day), and then next week while John is away for work I will cold turkey it so if I'm grumpy he's not around to be my target.

Anyway, that's all for the AM. I'm gonna pack my gym bag, take a shower, pack a lunch, and head off to my first day in my new department at work! YAY! :)

Enjoy the video. :)

Friday, October 5, 2012

I'm going to the gym.

Well. Excuse the fuck out of me. Apparently baseball excitement trumps my quiz for school. I wasn't aware that I should have to deal with the laughing, yelling, and excitement after I said I was going to take a quiz for school. I feel so bad now that I asked you to be quieter, especially after telling you I was going into the office to take a quiz....

I'm going to the gym now, before I upset anyone else watching this oh-so-exciting history in the making.

Thursday, October 4, 2012


Hello blog! I'm sorry it's been awhile... I just haven't been feeling up to par when it comes to putting my thoughts into words. I'm still at a loss as to exactly what this post is about...

Do you ever have one of those days/weeks/months where you have 1,000,000 things to say and 5 words to put them in? I feel like that. I have a million things I want to write about, but not enough brain power (not to mention time) to really do those things!

So, let's start with some basics. School is going okay... It's really boring and it's hard to focus on each class as a separate one because they are so closely related. In my Speech class we're learning about how to use language in a verbal sense. Repetition, tone, pitch, etc... are all things I have to focus on. On the other hand, however, my Composition class is about using language in the written sense, where repetition is a BIG no-no, and there is no focus on tone, pitch, etc. I get them mixed up pretty easily.

I did my first speech on Wednesday night... I was completely freaked out. Give me a room of 150 employee where I have to lecture on policy and business stuff and I'll woo you right outta your damn heels. But a room of 17 with the professor, and I'm speaking about my father's recovery from alcoholism? I was scared shitless. I have no idea why. Perhaps it was the personal aspect of it. Perhaps maybe I just wasn't in the right frame of mind... but either way I'd say I scored a "C" at best on this speech.
There is the opportunity to re-do a speech at the end of the semester, so I may try to make that one up again. The next speech we have to do is an "informative" speech, but this is where I can let my natural sarcasm and satire come into play. I am going to do a speech on "how to give the BEST customer service", but the twist is it will be everything you would do WRONG.
When complimenting the customer to encourage her purchase, always be specific when making the compliment to appear more personal to the customer. "Why ma'am, that dress appears to be two sizes too small, and I can see the cottage cheese of your backside!"


Obviously I'm going for a humor factor here... and I'm really good at that! So I think I will ACE this next speech!!

I have a few other things coming up.... some I'm excited about, some not so much.

My FIRST anniversary is in 38 days! Hurray marriage! We plan on going to Harry Potter World @ Universal in Orlando!

Not so much:
We can't really afford a "nice" hotel (I want a damn spa tub!!) and I'm not going to skimp for our anniversary.

Thanksgiving is coming soon after that, and I plan to be in a size 16/18 by then! (I'm a 20/22 right now)

Not so much:
I still struggle to hit the gym more than 3 times per week, and I also still tend to over-eat or eat the wrong things.

Christmas is on its way, which means Christmas crafts, gifts, cooler weather, and family!

Not so much:
I'm still on a limited budget, and really can't afford a lot of gifts. Even crafting is going to be difficult.

I'm really just a Debbie Downer lately. It seems as if I'll never graduate college and find a "big girl" job. I have a successful marriage but not a lot of money... yet these hoodlums live off government welfare and sell drugs and can afford to blow $200 on shoes every week (not to forget the probably $400 worth they steal on top of that). Maybe I should pop out 4 or 5 kids and start claiming I can't work? Or better yet, get my lil brother to give me the name of his dealer and I should start selling pot! ... Wait. Nevermind. I'm an upstanding citizen of this city.


I'm pretty over this week.... It has been crazy trying to transition to my new department (which I haven't even begun to do because of vacations of other supervisors..)... I just need a mental break from it all. Anyone wanna knock me out for a few days??!?!?

I leave you with a song that's been stuck in my head for days now.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

This Week is DRAGGING..

This week has been kinda crazy. My mother-in-law and I went to Zumba on Sunday, which is always fun. I tend to laugh when I get frustrated, and there were some moves that day I just couldn't get 100% right, so I was a giggling moron the whole class. :-)

Monday I worked, Tuesday I worked. I've been finally approved to move departments at my store. Instead of being a glorified babysitter of a bunch of immature cashiers who are increasingly testing my patience, I will be moving to the full-time spot in our Linens Dept. (which is kitchen accessories, bath accessories, bed linens, wall treatments, wall decor/furniture, giftables [candles, small knick knacks], and luggage). This is going to be a good and a bad move.

Good - I will not have to deal with the bunch a babies that work for us anymore. I will actually be able to take my on the clock 15-minute breaks (which I NEVER get to do up front), and I won't have to fight to get my [UNPAID] lunch with my managers. ((I am a supervisor, and since I have such an important job, I cannot take my lunch whenever, I have to have someone watching my front end while I do so. Since there is no other full-time supervisor, I have to rely on the managers, who frequently tell me how I'm an inconvenience to them to do my lunch... but I have no other choice. It SUCKS)). Also- come season time (Christmas, oh goodness!) I won't be dealing with the lines of customers, and the angry ones who are demanding we open all available registers when we clearly have EVERY REGISTER running.... -.-

Bad - I know that even though I'm moving away from the registers, that I will be still called upon for being a back-up cashier. I'm ok with this notion, if that's all I am. I can't be getting stuck on the service desk, which they may think will happen, but I will flat out refuse. I think I'm going to ask my manager to revoke my supervisor clearance in our computers and just put me down to a plain cashier level, that way I CAN'T get stuck.

So, this move will be happening around the first week of October. There is no turning back, so I am just going to have to do the best I can.

So Wednesday, I had the day off. I ended up spending from 7:45am until almost 2pm doing homework for my classes. And it was all READING!! :-O  This sucks! Then, I ran a couple of errands and went to class @ 5:30. After that I hit the gym.

Now, mind you, this is my first visit to the gym since Sunday. I have felt like crap all week and just have no desire to get up early. In fact, I CAN'T get up early. Every time I try my body is like "wait, no, you can't do that! we still need sleep!" and then I fall back asleep. John tells me I just have to start getting up and eventually it will become easier, which I know is true, but it's the whole starting process I can't muster the desire for! :-X

So, last night, I wasn't feeling 100% awesome. My lower back had this weird hollow feeling (I get the same feeling during my period... my cramps make my back feel hollow before it feels like I am a wind-up toy who is wound too tightly), but I know it's not time for that yet. Instead of running, I decide to just hop on the elliptical. I've decided that I actually like the elliptical. As long as I'm holding on, I enjoy going front and even backwards too. So, I spend awhile doing that, while watching a movie on my ipod as a distraction. Then, I switched to some club music, and worked my arms out for about 15min. All-in-all, I felt better after my workout. And I should hold on to that feeling, so I have motivation to go! We'll see.

I'm going to being my clothes with me today, but I'm not sure that I'll be going to the gym after work. I guess I'll just play the day by ear and see how that goes.

Ta-ta for now!

This world keeps spinning faster
Into a new disaster so I run to you
I run to you baby
And when it all starts coming undone
Baby you're the only one I run to
I run to you

We run on fumes
Your life and mine
Like the sands of time
Slippin' right on through
And our love's the only truth
That's why I run to you
"I Run To You" - Lady Antebellum

Monday, September 3, 2012

School's In For The Fall..

Okay, so, it's finally that time of year again, and the fall semester has started for college! Yay! Well, mostly yay.

After a long hiatus from school, due to Malaya's and my weddings last year, and just overall need-to-get-my-life-in-line, I decided that I was going to try and take one class on campus, and then my normal one online class.

This semester I have Fundamentals of Speech, on Wednesday nights from 5:30-8:10. And my online class is Composition II. These are both required pre-requisites, so there was no way of avoiding them any longer.

The CompII class will be easy, yet challenging. I already am strong with written essays and other requirements of a writing-intensive class, the only thing will be for me to make time to make sure I have everything I need done each week. I'm overall not worried about this class.

The speech class is a whole other story. Firstly, my speech professor, who should be this boisterously outgoing person, had his hands in his pockets the entire time he make his opening speech about the course syllabus and all that. Seriously?!?! What kind of example are you setting if you are not grabbing the reigns of speaking properly?!

I can get over this fact. The next thing that has bothered me is his agenda. This is some guy who is passionate about sustainable energy and ways we can effectively create and use these methods not only on campus, but also in our own lives as well. Now, don't get me wrong, I do wish we could ease up our dependence on all these bad energy sources, and use something good like the wind or the sun, however, I don't think a college class is the appropriate platform to push your agenda!!

One of our required speeches will be for us to come up with a way to make our college just a little more "green", and to present our speech to the class. This guy is just feeding off of our brilliance to make himself look better!!

We were assigned groups for this project, and it will be our last speech of the year, so we're being given plenty of time to prepare... however, I just don't believe he should be pushing his agenda off on us. What if he takes our speech/project, and presents it? Even if he does give us credit, no one is going to remember that! We'll just be the name written on the report, not the person getting patted on the back for an awesome job.

Oh well. I can't change class now, and my group is actually a decent one, I'm happy that I got put into one that has drive to get the project started and started early.

Thursday, August 30, 2012


So, I have been a busy little bee this week. With the "storm" we expected Sunday night/Monday, it was just a week that started crazy and is continuing the trend.

Sunday- I worked from 12-8. We actually might've closed early due to Isaac, but I guess sometime throughout the day the storm turned slightly so my area ended up outside of the Hurricane Warning zone and instead was just in a Tropical Storm Warning. It was so dead at the store that my associates were having a hard time focusing on doing SOMETHING and instead turned to conversations that were not happening while they were cleaning/etc. I had to tell them multiple times to "disperse", which they started getting an attitude towards, but what's funny is that they are so self-absorbed that they don't realize their attitude is just comical to me. As in, HELLO, you're not getting paid to stand around and talk.... so GO DO SOMETHING! It made me realize that although I really like what I do at my job... maybe it's time to move to another area. I hate children, why would I continue to stay up front and supervise them? Because although they are all over the age of 18, I do frequently get called over to fix simple things and change diapers (no, not really... I just feel that way).
So, I did talk to the manager and practically begged him to move me somewhere else. I'm hoping for a spot on the markdown team, which does all of the price changes in the store.... and also has a cushy 7a-3p Sunday-Thursday schedule. No more wondering what I'm working.... no more closing.... I think it would be nice.

Monday we were all icky and rainy from Isaac's backside bands... It was windy and the store was still pretty dead. One of my problem children was being very attitude-y so I sent her away, lo and behold I find out it's possible I might have some new people joining my team soon, if the current attitudes remain as nasty as they are.
I did get a chance to work out at the gym. I completed Week 2 Workout 2 of the C25K program. I'm alittle mixed up on my days and workouts, I think I did 4 days of the Week 2.... I just don't remember. My days are starting to blend together. Anyway, here is my picture from Monday.

It was only 7:00pm in that picture, which should still be sunny and bright, but due to the storm it was just an Eeyore kinda day.

Tuesday was yet another slow day. We had no real issues or events at work, and I am starting to feel that I'm just going through the motions at work, to get through the day and be done with it. I'm not really stressed, I guess I just don't really care anymore. Yes, I still give it my all at my job, but I'm no longer anywhere NEAR as emotionally invested.
Here is Tuesday's workout pic. I ended up hitting the treadmill for about 40 minutes, then did a "dance fusion" class which I neglected to read was a Latin-infused dance class that was exactly like Zumba only without the moves and motions. That explains why I was the only "gringa" in the class! But I still had fun, although my hip muscles are sore from shakin it!! :)

I didn't even leave the gym until 8:30. It felt good to be all nasty and sweaty!

Yesterday was my first day off of the week, and I needed it! I had plans too! Dishes, the laundry, possibly washing my car.... and I barely got through my laundry! I was just having a lazy day, so I sat on the couch, got some homework done, and then watched LOST all day. I went to my Speech Communications which I have on Wed nights, and let me tell you how much I think I'm going to hate this class!! But I won't tell you here, partly because I'm pressed for time, and partly because I think it deserves its own entry. Look for it tonight or early tomorrow, I'm not sure of my plans yet.

That's all I got for now... now my 3 readers are caught up to my life this week. I really don't feel like going to work today, but I really don't have much of a choice.... I'm not one to call out. I know what it's like to not have anyone to work, so I feel kinda shitty doing it unless I'm dying or close to it.

He'll wrap you in his arms,
tell you that you've been a good boy
He'll rekindle all the dreams
it took you a lifetime to destroy
He'll reach deep into the hole,
heal your shrinking soul
Hey buddy, you know you're
never ever coming back
He's a god, he's a man,
he's a ghost, he's a guru
They're whispering his name
through this disappearing land
But hidden in his coat
is a red right hand
--"Red Right Hand", Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds

Thursday, August 23, 2012


I know that there's a bunch of  stuff out there saying things like.. 

But I don't think I believe it. I mean.... I've only really gotten serious about working out in the past... 2, maybe 3 weeks, and I've already noticed my butt doesn't jiggle NEARLY as much as it did.

I also feel SO. MUCH. BETTER!!

I guess it could be that maybe I just accepted the fact that I got myself into this mess, and now I have to claw my way back out..... it could be many things I guess.... but no matter what, I feel changed. Empowered!

So, I didn't end up falling asleep until around midnight. I was tired by 9:30, but with the combination of the hubby not being home, a new movie my roommate got for me, and knowing that Thursday was my day off, I guess I just didn't get what I needed.

It was SUPER hard to get out of bed this morning. I shut my alarm off at 4:45a, and didn't roll out of bed until 5:00a. I did tell myself to suck it up, and that if I felt a good enough burn I would reward myself with a nap sometime in the early afternoon... so that convinced me.

I did the Week 2 Workout 1 of the C25K program. Running for 90 seconds is no easy task for a blimp with legs like me!! But, I did it!! Yay!!

Here is my picture. You'll notice it's still pretty dark, but that's because I only did 30 min on the treadmill and a power 15 minutes on the weights!

I ended up running to Walmart after the gym, despite being nasty and sweaty, to grab a few things to prepare for the hurricane/tropical storm/whatever is coming on Monday. So, after I left there, I got another pic!

Much prettier!

Anyway, that's all I've got. I think I'm going to finish up the laundry, start on some homework.... and take that promised nap some time after noon! :) :)

Miss Independent
Miss Self-sufficient
Miss Keep-your-distance

Miss Unafraid
Miss Outta-my-way
Miss Don't-let-a-man-interfere, no

Miss On-her-own
Miss Almost-grown
Miss Never-let-a-man-help-her-off-her-throne
-"Miss Independent", Kelly Clarkson

Friday, August 17, 2012

SWEAT. TEARS. It's one, or the other.

Just a little blurb, I may do a full update later.

My mother has told me my aunt's color is returning, but that she is still under the sedation for her brain.I stopped by work and embarrassingly broke down in front of my boss about my aunt, but I now have Sunday off too just in case I need to be at the hospital.

I needed a release, crying wasn't really doing it for me. The sensation of crying just doesn't get me anywhere. My tears are not magical and usually I feel worse after crying, so I hit the gym. I told Amy I wasn't going to do my C25K workout, but I needed something to take the edge off, so I did it anyway.

I have successfully completed Week 1 of the program. I feel good about that.

Here is my weather pic. I know there's no sunrise, but the gray day seems to fit the mood. Florida has a lot of them lately.

Here is also just a little thing I made to be my Facebook banner. I know the idea itself is not original... but I like the phrase and it just seems to fit today for me...

Anyway, after my treadmill workout, I did some weights for my arms, and hit the roller thingy for my abs. I can feel them! This is a good sign. I also believe I could become addicted to working out. It is beginning to be fun for me. That would have been a scary statement to make a year ago, but I'm confident in saying it now. :)

Ta Ta. No lyrics for this guy... music just really isn't doing it for me today..

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Sneezing Hurts!! LOL

Well, it was another beautiful morning! I got up at 5 AM, and not even knowing if my Mother-In-Law was going to make it, headed to the gym!

I did have my little toast, although I think I may switch from peanut butter (@ 150c) to a slice of Laughing Cow cream cheese (@50c) as my topper.... because I can afford to not eat those 100 extra bugger calories!!

Anyway, here is today's post-workout sunrise picture!! 

Sorry it's alittle blurry, the camera on my phone isn't quite a winning feature!!

Also- just a quick little blurb before I begin my laundry and the dishes (today's my late day so I don't work until 2 PM!!)

After my C25K workout (Week 1 Day 2) I decided to take advantage of the quieter side of the gym and check out the machines. I ended up finding a favorite, the ab worker thingy (Yes, that is it's official title!! LOL) 

See I told you it was an ab worker thingy!! Anyway, it is good for a beginner like myself because if I don't have much on the way of actual ab muscles, I can use a little bit of the rocking motion to help me. It has a stopper on the back so I don't roll off the back of the track, but I did pretty good in keeping a slow pace and not relying on the motion to get my knees up. I did 4 sets of 10 "rollercrunches" (Yup, that's what I'm gonna call 'em!) and started to feel the burn!!

Well, on my way home, I sneezed. Those same muscles that had started to complain contracted too quick, and it actually hurt me when I sneezed!! But I was so surprised I started laughing, which hurt even more!! So, I was in a lose-lose situation, but it is good to know that somewhere underneath the flab I have abdominal muscles that are responding to my workouts!

Ta-Ta for now!!

Cinderelly, Cinderelly!
 Night and day it's Cinderelly!
 Make the fire, fix the breakfast!
 Wash the dishes, do the mopping!

And the sweeping and the dusting!
 They always keep her hopping! 

She goes around in circles
 Till she's very, very dizzy!
 Still they holler...

 Keep a-busy Cinderelly!!
-"The Work Song" from Disney's Cinderella

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Sunrise, sunrise! Oh how I love a good sunrise!

So, I'm awake at 7:37 AM on this beautiful Tuesday morning. I'm definitely not looking forward to work, but only because there is going to be no staff again, as this company I work for is trying to maximize profits while minimizing payroll! :-{

Last week, I had looked into a gym that was very close to my house. It's called Around the Clock Fitness, herein will be referred to as ATCFit. Well, their website isn't exactly up and running, however they have a Facebook page run by their manager/owner. I read some reviews from Yahoo and Google, with a mixed feeling. The only negative reviews I got were about "hidden" cancellation costs, and also being charged a next month's fee after canceling.

Well, I decided to chicken out and not go check this place out last week. However, last night, my mother-in-law emails me telling me she wants to check out this gym.... ATCFit! I was stoked. Since I know John won't go with me (He's not the "gym" type.... his words, not mine!) I know it would be easier if there was someone in my city who kept me accountable. Because I can always lie to my faraway friends, because they can't come over and kick my butt! :-)

So, Julie (my mother-in-law), John and myself went last night to check this place out. The guide showed us the payment plans, told us about the Feb 15th annual maintenance fee that EVERYONE gets charged and only on that day, and also how their cancellation works. They explained basically that if I had come in to cancel my account yesterday, that I would be charged for September's monthly fee, but that my cancellation would take effect on Oct 1st. That makes sense. You give a 30 day notice and since the payment is pro-rated, you get the rest of the month to work out.

Well, I didn't exactly JOIN yesterday. I wanted to see what the gym was like. Julie and I looked over their class schedule, and we decided to give it a go. The girl slipped us 3-day passes good for 3 consecutive days, and so we decided Tue-Thur would be our trial!

So, fast forward to 5:00 AM this morning. I'm rolling out of bed, trying to think of ways to not go. Because I hadn't been up that early in awhile. I don't ever work that early so I see no need to wake up that early!! :-P

I had a piece of toast with peanut butter to kickstart my system. The Doc says if I eat on an empty stomach I will burn fat instead of what's in my stomach; however, I am weary of passing out in a gym, so I conceded and went with a small little snack. I think I might only do a half-slice next time. It's crazy, but I felt heavy after just that one piece!

Anyway, I get to the gym at 5:30. Julie's waiting for me and so we fill out the guess pass info and head right for the treadmill. Julie isn't doing the Couch to 5K thing, but she is a walker, so we saddled up side by side and began. She did give me a couple of funny looks as I would transition from a walk to a run and back again, but after I told her why I was doing it she did seem pretty interested! She even agreed to run a 5k with me next year!! That's pretty awesome!!

Anyway, I stayed on the treadmill, mostly because I can't do a bicycle yet (says the Doc), and I have no knowledge of the free weights and other work out machines. If we end up joining, I'll probably take a personal training session or 2 just to get acclimated, so that I won't end up hurting myself.

I did my C-2-5K, and then walked for another 45 minutes. It was brisk, but not overbearing and I did feel that burn!!

On my way home, I saw the sun rising. It was beautiful! I've realized that this is what I'm missing!! Sunrises! I don't get up until the day has begun.... and now I know why I feel like I'm missing something!!

Here is the picture I got on my phone....

It's so pretty!!

Anyway, I'm going to shower and get ready for work. I had a nice, FILLING, sensible breakfast, and last night I made egg salad for sammiches for lunch! Because this eating out crap is too much money!! :-O

Bye-bye butterfly!!

Spirit of the rising sun lift me up
Hold me there and never let me fall
Love me till I die, my heart won't wait
Soon I will be down in this love song
In this love, love song
In this love. love song
Hey hey, love won't find
Find its own way home

-"Three Sunrises", U2

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Failures, Triumphs, Loss, and a Gain

I have been really slacking lately. I don't really even have an excuse. I guess work has just been stressful enough that I have pretty much lost all want or need of anything. 

Last week I lost my appetite, which was crazy. I felt so numb. Literally, I was void of all feelings. Robotic. Close to comatose. It was scary. It was like I was in a little room with a window outside of my head. I could look at myself, but I couldn't talk to myself. I was screaming to wake up, feel something, but I couldn't hear it. I watched myself suffer; watched the worry lines of my husband's face as he consoled me the best he could. I'd eat, to satisfy those who were watching me, but I never felt any effect from it. I was not full, nor energized, nor was I even angry or upset. I was just kinda..... gone.

I am much better now, having regained my appetite on Saturday. It wasn't completely back, but I felt as if my body was nudging me towards food, and a reaction like that I was not going to pass up on. Even now, midweek, I'm not exactly hungry, but I do have a need for sustenance on a 5-7 hour basis.

I went to see my Orthopedic doctor yesterday, which was not really anything groundbreaking. He congratulated my 20 pound loss, and says with the exercises I've been doing (for my knee, the 20-degree lift and hold thing) that he sees there is some better motion happening. He gave me another strap because my first one was worn out. He said that I should try and cut back from the 2 Aleve twice a day and only try to take 1 twice a day because of the long-term effects of NSAID's. I told him that sometimes if I woke up feeling great I wouldn't take the morning dose, or at night if I felt good sometimes I'd skip that too. He said that I should take at least one in the morning and go from there. If I felt worse on days then take more, but never more than 4 in a day.
He recommended I start exercising in the morning, before I even eat. Now, as an Ortho doc, I know it has been many years since he's dealt with anything but bones, but I had a hard time swallowing what he was trying to sell me. I did some research online in the way of only checking .EDU or .ORG websites, such as the Mayo Clinic, etc. and there is some validation to what he's telling me. It seems that if I exercise before I break my fast of the day, then I will be burning FAT, not CARBS, and therefore boost my metabolism. This is turn can keep my body's fat absorption low throughout the day, and boost my energy level in the process. I have yet to give this a try, but I imagine my 12-minute mile would likely slow down, so maybe I'll do something small, like a single piece of toast with some peanut butter or something along those lines to not keep myself from keeling over.

Getting into the whole exercise thing, I may as well come clean. After 3 workouts of the Couch to 5K, I ended up giving up. Not because it was hard. Certainly not because I felt awesome after each workout. Certainly not because of any real valid reason to give up making yourself better, I just simply am a fat slob who is too self-conscious to run alongside busy roads in the twilight hours.
I don't need sympathy, or words of encouragement. I need a swift kick in the ass and someone yelling at me every morning at 5:30am to get out of bed and on that pavement!!

I need to stop lolly-gagging and get to steppin.... This being fat thing is so overrated nowadays. I mean, I can get a handicapped sticker just for being FAT!!?!?!!?? What has this world come to?!?!?

Anyway, I suppose I have no real ending for this, so I'll just let it drop off. I'm going to load a running mix to Mr. clippy tonight, and set out my running gear for the AM. I will be getting up at the asscrack of dawn to run. Maybe I'll even call out of work! Well.... probably not. But it's the thought that counts. I don't think they'll let me call in fat. :-)


Thursday, August 2, 2012

Hunger Pains

This week has been pretty bad on my new lifestyle. The company I work for thinks that because all of our business is on Fri, Sat, and Sun, that we should have very little coverage Mon through Thur just due to the trend of retail shopping.
What my company doesn't understand is that next Wednesday the kids go back to school, and we are a very large provider of school uniforms in the Ft Myers area. So, we actually ARE busy during the week. So much so that 3 cashiers during the day and 1 at night are NOT working. As a supervisor, most days I'm stuck on the register instead of actually being able to do my job, which includes interacting with the customers in line and making sure they're even in the right line!!

Tuesday and Wednesday were the worst so far, with me having to pull back-up cashiers from the sales floor and even my manager running a register!! (That NEVER happens!!) Something happened to me on Tuesday I think, because my body kind of went numb and shut down on me.

Not like stroke numb or anything... But I no longer really FELT anything. My emotions were in turmoil, I was star-crossed between pissed off and sobbing uncontrollably; I had been on my feet all day and up the stairs no less than 20 times, which my orthopedic doctor said I should NOT be doing. I realized when I got home that I just wasn't hungry. I was hungry at breakfast, with my boring cereal. At lunch I guess I had some hunger because I managed to finish John's steak I'd brought with me.

But on my way home, after thinking about it, I wasn't hungry anymore. I had lunch around..... 2:00pm on Tuesday, and by 6:30 when I got home, I should have been hungry... but I wasn't. My husband forced me to eat a grilled cheese sammich because he was afraid I will make myself sick or something if I don't eat. But how can I eat when I have no hunger?

Same thing happened yesterday. I actually didn't feel hungry for breakfast, so I managed a bagel at least, knowing that I should have a hunger and that if I don't keep the routine it's possible I might stress myself into anorexia. Let me tell you, Ana and Mia are no friends of mine (anorexia and bulimia).

Around lunch I forgot to pack one for myself, so I ran to the gas station to get gas and find something to eat, because I knew it was "that time" to eat. I managed to find the un-healthiest thing in there and had that, a Pepsi and some chocolaty chex mix! I know I recorded a cup of the mix, but I'm betting it was closer to a half-cup... because I had that and I felt as if I'd just tucked in for a large buffet! I was "stuffed"!

My friend Terry says my body is just sort of shutting down as it responds to the stress of my week. After all, this is the first real time I've been stressed the way I have been in the past, and come to think of it, my body responded the same way.

I know I should feel hungry, like when I wake up after 8 hours of sleep, or after working for 4 hours and burning off the breakfast calories.... but I'm just not hungry. And when I do eat, it's a struggle. This morning I lost probably about half of my cereal... I ate the bowl and again felt like I'd eaten my way through a buffet, and I got immediately sick.

If this continues on into next week I will make an appointment with my doctor. I can't NOT eat obviously, and I hate feeling like I'm void of emotions and hunger pains. I have felt pretty numb most of the time this week, save for the times with my husband. But I still have no hunger pains!

I can only hope today will be somewhat easier. We tend to be better staffed on Thursday, though not quite as high-staffed as on the weekends, but more staffed than the earlier part of the week. We'll see.

Today's lyrics are oddly fitting. My brain just started singing this song...

I don't mind stealing bread from the mouths of decadence
But I can't feed on the powerless when my cup's already overfilled
But it's on the table
The fire is cooking and they're farming babies, while the slaves are working
The blood is on the table and their mouths are chocking
But I'm growing hungry
-"Hunger Strike" Temple of the Dog