Thursday, August 30, 2012


So, I have been a busy little bee this week. With the "storm" we expected Sunday night/Monday, it was just a week that started crazy and is continuing the trend.

Sunday- I worked from 12-8. We actually might've closed early due to Isaac, but I guess sometime throughout the day the storm turned slightly so my area ended up outside of the Hurricane Warning zone and instead was just in a Tropical Storm Warning. It was so dead at the store that my associates were having a hard time focusing on doing SOMETHING and instead turned to conversations that were not happening while they were cleaning/etc. I had to tell them multiple times to "disperse", which they started getting an attitude towards, but what's funny is that they are so self-absorbed that they don't realize their attitude is just comical to me. As in, HELLO, you're not getting paid to stand around and talk.... so GO DO SOMETHING! It made me realize that although I really like what I do at my job... maybe it's time to move to another area. I hate children, why would I continue to stay up front and supervise them? Because although they are all over the age of 18, I do frequently get called over to fix simple things and change diapers (no, not really... I just feel that way).
So, I did talk to the manager and practically begged him to move me somewhere else. I'm hoping for a spot on the markdown team, which does all of the price changes in the store.... and also has a cushy 7a-3p Sunday-Thursday schedule. No more wondering what I'm working.... no more closing.... I think it would be nice.

Monday we were all icky and rainy from Isaac's backside bands... It was windy and the store was still pretty dead. One of my problem children was being very attitude-y so I sent her away, lo and behold I find out it's possible I might have some new people joining my team soon, if the current attitudes remain as nasty as they are.
I did get a chance to work out at the gym. I completed Week 2 Workout 2 of the C25K program. I'm alittle mixed up on my days and workouts, I think I did 4 days of the Week 2.... I just don't remember. My days are starting to blend together. Anyway, here is my picture from Monday.

It was only 7:00pm in that picture, which should still be sunny and bright, but due to the storm it was just an Eeyore kinda day.

Tuesday was yet another slow day. We had no real issues or events at work, and I am starting to feel that I'm just going through the motions at work, to get through the day and be done with it. I'm not really stressed, I guess I just don't really care anymore. Yes, I still give it my all at my job, but I'm no longer anywhere NEAR as emotionally invested.
Here is Tuesday's workout pic. I ended up hitting the treadmill for about 40 minutes, then did a "dance fusion" class which I neglected to read was a Latin-infused dance class that was exactly like Zumba only without the moves and motions. That explains why I was the only "gringa" in the class! But I still had fun, although my hip muscles are sore from shakin it!! :)

I didn't even leave the gym until 8:30. It felt good to be all nasty and sweaty!

Yesterday was my first day off of the week, and I needed it! I had plans too! Dishes, the laundry, possibly washing my car.... and I barely got through my laundry! I was just having a lazy day, so I sat on the couch, got some homework done, and then watched LOST all day. I went to my Speech Communications which I have on Wed nights, and let me tell you how much I think I'm going to hate this class!! But I won't tell you here, partly because I'm pressed for time, and partly because I think it deserves its own entry. Look for it tonight or early tomorrow, I'm not sure of my plans yet.

That's all I got for now... now my 3 readers are caught up to my life this week. I really don't feel like going to work today, but I really don't have much of a choice.... I'm not one to call out. I know what it's like to not have anyone to work, so I feel kinda shitty doing it unless I'm dying or close to it.

He'll wrap you in his arms,
tell you that you've been a good boy
He'll rekindle all the dreams
it took you a lifetime to destroy
He'll reach deep into the hole,
heal your shrinking soul
Hey buddy, you know you're
never ever coming back
He's a god, he's a man,
he's a ghost, he's a guru
They're whispering his name
through this disappearing land
But hidden in his coat
is a red right hand
--"Red Right Hand", Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds

Thursday, August 23, 2012


I know that there's a bunch of  stuff out there saying things like.. 

But I don't think I believe it. I mean.... I've only really gotten serious about working out in the past... 2, maybe 3 weeks, and I've already noticed my butt doesn't jiggle NEARLY as much as it did.

I also feel SO. MUCH. BETTER!!

I guess it could be that maybe I just accepted the fact that I got myself into this mess, and now I have to claw my way back out..... it could be many things I guess.... but no matter what, I feel changed. Empowered!

So, I didn't end up falling asleep until around midnight. I was tired by 9:30, but with the combination of the hubby not being home, a new movie my roommate got for me, and knowing that Thursday was my day off, I guess I just didn't get what I needed.

It was SUPER hard to get out of bed this morning. I shut my alarm off at 4:45a, and didn't roll out of bed until 5:00a. I did tell myself to suck it up, and that if I felt a good enough burn I would reward myself with a nap sometime in the early afternoon... so that convinced me.

I did the Week 2 Workout 1 of the C25K program. Running for 90 seconds is no easy task for a blimp with legs like me!! But, I did it!! Yay!!

Here is my picture. You'll notice it's still pretty dark, but that's because I only did 30 min on the treadmill and a power 15 minutes on the weights!

I ended up running to Walmart after the gym, despite being nasty and sweaty, to grab a few things to prepare for the hurricane/tropical storm/whatever is coming on Monday. So, after I left there, I got another pic!

Much prettier!

Anyway, that's all I've got. I think I'm going to finish up the laundry, start on some homework.... and take that promised nap some time after noon! :) :)

Miss Independent
Miss Self-sufficient
Miss Keep-your-distance

Miss Unafraid
Miss Outta-my-way
Miss Don't-let-a-man-interfere, no

Miss On-her-own
Miss Almost-grown
Miss Never-let-a-man-help-her-off-her-throne
-"Miss Independent", Kelly Clarkson

Friday, August 17, 2012

SWEAT. TEARS. It's one, or the other.

Just a little blurb, I may do a full update later.

My mother has told me my aunt's color is returning, but that she is still under the sedation for her brain.I stopped by work and embarrassingly broke down in front of my boss about my aunt, but I now have Sunday off too just in case I need to be at the hospital.

I needed a release, crying wasn't really doing it for me. The sensation of crying just doesn't get me anywhere. My tears are not magical and usually I feel worse after crying, so I hit the gym. I told Amy I wasn't going to do my C25K workout, but I needed something to take the edge off, so I did it anyway.

I have successfully completed Week 1 of the program. I feel good about that.

Here is my weather pic. I know there's no sunrise, but the gray day seems to fit the mood. Florida has a lot of them lately.

Here is also just a little thing I made to be my Facebook banner. I know the idea itself is not original... but I like the phrase and it just seems to fit today for me...

Anyway, after my treadmill workout, I did some weights for my arms, and hit the roller thingy for my abs. I can feel them! This is a good sign. I also believe I could become addicted to working out. It is beginning to be fun for me. That would have been a scary statement to make a year ago, but I'm confident in saying it now. :)

Ta Ta. No lyrics for this guy... music just really isn't doing it for me today..

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Sneezing Hurts!! LOL

Well, it was another beautiful morning! I got up at 5 AM, and not even knowing if my Mother-In-Law was going to make it, headed to the gym!

I did have my little toast, although I think I may switch from peanut butter (@ 150c) to a slice of Laughing Cow cream cheese (@50c) as my topper.... because I can afford to not eat those 100 extra bugger calories!!

Anyway, here is today's post-workout sunrise picture!! 

Sorry it's alittle blurry, the camera on my phone isn't quite a winning feature!!

Also- just a quick little blurb before I begin my laundry and the dishes (today's my late day so I don't work until 2 PM!!)

After my C25K workout (Week 1 Day 2) I decided to take advantage of the quieter side of the gym and check out the machines. I ended up finding a favorite, the ab worker thingy (Yes, that is it's official title!! LOL) 

See I told you it was an ab worker thingy!! Anyway, it is good for a beginner like myself because if I don't have much on the way of actual ab muscles, I can use a little bit of the rocking motion to help me. It has a stopper on the back so I don't roll off the back of the track, but I did pretty good in keeping a slow pace and not relying on the motion to get my knees up. I did 4 sets of 10 "rollercrunches" (Yup, that's what I'm gonna call 'em!) and started to feel the burn!!

Well, on my way home, I sneezed. Those same muscles that had started to complain contracted too quick, and it actually hurt me when I sneezed!! But I was so surprised I started laughing, which hurt even more!! So, I was in a lose-lose situation, but it is good to know that somewhere underneath the flab I have abdominal muscles that are responding to my workouts!

Ta-Ta for now!!

Cinderelly, Cinderelly!
 Night and day it's Cinderelly!
 Make the fire, fix the breakfast!
 Wash the dishes, do the mopping!

And the sweeping and the dusting!
 They always keep her hopping! 

She goes around in circles
 Till she's very, very dizzy!
 Still they holler...

 Keep a-busy Cinderelly!!
-"The Work Song" from Disney's Cinderella

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Sunrise, sunrise! Oh how I love a good sunrise!

So, I'm awake at 7:37 AM on this beautiful Tuesday morning. I'm definitely not looking forward to work, but only because there is going to be no staff again, as this company I work for is trying to maximize profits while minimizing payroll! :-{

Last week, I had looked into a gym that was very close to my house. It's called Around the Clock Fitness, herein will be referred to as ATCFit. Well, their website isn't exactly up and running, however they have a Facebook page run by their manager/owner. I read some reviews from Yahoo and Google, with a mixed feeling. The only negative reviews I got were about "hidden" cancellation costs, and also being charged a next month's fee after canceling.

Well, I decided to chicken out and not go check this place out last week. However, last night, my mother-in-law emails me telling me she wants to check out this gym.... ATCFit! I was stoked. Since I know John won't go with me (He's not the "gym" type.... his words, not mine!) I know it would be easier if there was someone in my city who kept me accountable. Because I can always lie to my faraway friends, because they can't come over and kick my butt! :-)

So, Julie (my mother-in-law), John and myself went last night to check this place out. The guide showed us the payment plans, told us about the Feb 15th annual maintenance fee that EVERYONE gets charged and only on that day, and also how their cancellation works. They explained basically that if I had come in to cancel my account yesterday, that I would be charged for September's monthly fee, but that my cancellation would take effect on Oct 1st. That makes sense. You give a 30 day notice and since the payment is pro-rated, you get the rest of the month to work out.

Well, I didn't exactly JOIN yesterday. I wanted to see what the gym was like. Julie and I looked over their class schedule, and we decided to give it a go. The girl slipped us 3-day passes good for 3 consecutive days, and so we decided Tue-Thur would be our trial!

So, fast forward to 5:00 AM this morning. I'm rolling out of bed, trying to think of ways to not go. Because I hadn't been up that early in awhile. I don't ever work that early so I see no need to wake up that early!! :-P

I had a piece of toast with peanut butter to kickstart my system. The Doc says if I eat on an empty stomach I will burn fat instead of what's in my stomach; however, I am weary of passing out in a gym, so I conceded and went with a small little snack. I think I might only do a half-slice next time. It's crazy, but I felt heavy after just that one piece!

Anyway, I get to the gym at 5:30. Julie's waiting for me and so we fill out the guess pass info and head right for the treadmill. Julie isn't doing the Couch to 5K thing, but she is a walker, so we saddled up side by side and began. She did give me a couple of funny looks as I would transition from a walk to a run and back again, but after I told her why I was doing it she did seem pretty interested! She even agreed to run a 5k with me next year!! That's pretty awesome!!

Anyway, I stayed on the treadmill, mostly because I can't do a bicycle yet (says the Doc), and I have no knowledge of the free weights and other work out machines. If we end up joining, I'll probably take a personal training session or 2 just to get acclimated, so that I won't end up hurting myself.

I did my C-2-5K, and then walked for another 45 minutes. It was brisk, but not overbearing and I did feel that burn!!

On my way home, I saw the sun rising. It was beautiful! I've realized that this is what I'm missing!! Sunrises! I don't get up until the day has begun.... and now I know why I feel like I'm missing something!!

Here is the picture I got on my phone....

It's so pretty!!

Anyway, I'm going to shower and get ready for work. I had a nice, FILLING, sensible breakfast, and last night I made egg salad for sammiches for lunch! Because this eating out crap is too much money!! :-O

Bye-bye butterfly!!

Spirit of the rising sun lift me up
Hold me there and never let me fall
Love me till I die, my heart won't wait
Soon I will be down in this love song
In this love, love song
In this love. love song
Hey hey, love won't find
Find its own way home

-"Three Sunrises", U2

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Failures, Triumphs, Loss, and a Gain

I have been really slacking lately. I don't really even have an excuse. I guess work has just been stressful enough that I have pretty much lost all want or need of anything. 

Last week I lost my appetite, which was crazy. I felt so numb. Literally, I was void of all feelings. Robotic. Close to comatose. It was scary. It was like I was in a little room with a window outside of my head. I could look at myself, but I couldn't talk to myself. I was screaming to wake up, feel something, but I couldn't hear it. I watched myself suffer; watched the worry lines of my husband's face as he consoled me the best he could. I'd eat, to satisfy those who were watching me, but I never felt any effect from it. I was not full, nor energized, nor was I even angry or upset. I was just kinda..... gone.

I am much better now, having regained my appetite on Saturday. It wasn't completely back, but I felt as if my body was nudging me towards food, and a reaction like that I was not going to pass up on. Even now, midweek, I'm not exactly hungry, but I do have a need for sustenance on a 5-7 hour basis.

I went to see my Orthopedic doctor yesterday, which was not really anything groundbreaking. He congratulated my 20 pound loss, and says with the exercises I've been doing (for my knee, the 20-degree lift and hold thing) that he sees there is some better motion happening. He gave me another strap because my first one was worn out. He said that I should try and cut back from the 2 Aleve twice a day and only try to take 1 twice a day because of the long-term effects of NSAID's. I told him that sometimes if I woke up feeling great I wouldn't take the morning dose, or at night if I felt good sometimes I'd skip that too. He said that I should take at least one in the morning and go from there. If I felt worse on days then take more, but never more than 4 in a day.
He recommended I start exercising in the morning, before I even eat. Now, as an Ortho doc, I know it has been many years since he's dealt with anything but bones, but I had a hard time swallowing what he was trying to sell me. I did some research online in the way of only checking .EDU or .ORG websites, such as the Mayo Clinic, etc. and there is some validation to what he's telling me. It seems that if I exercise before I break my fast of the day, then I will be burning FAT, not CARBS, and therefore boost my metabolism. This is turn can keep my body's fat absorption low throughout the day, and boost my energy level in the process. I have yet to give this a try, but I imagine my 12-minute mile would likely slow down, so maybe I'll do something small, like a single piece of toast with some peanut butter or something along those lines to not keep myself from keeling over.

Getting into the whole exercise thing, I may as well come clean. After 3 workouts of the Couch to 5K, I ended up giving up. Not because it was hard. Certainly not because I felt awesome after each workout. Certainly not because of any real valid reason to give up making yourself better, I just simply am a fat slob who is too self-conscious to run alongside busy roads in the twilight hours.
I don't need sympathy, or words of encouragement. I need a swift kick in the ass and someone yelling at me every morning at 5:30am to get out of bed and on that pavement!!

I need to stop lolly-gagging and get to steppin.... This being fat thing is so overrated nowadays. I mean, I can get a handicapped sticker just for being FAT!!?!?!!?? What has this world come to?!?!?

Anyway, I suppose I have no real ending for this, so I'll just let it drop off. I'm going to load a running mix to Mr. clippy tonight, and set out my running gear for the AM. I will be getting up at the asscrack of dawn to run. Maybe I'll even call out of work! Well.... probably not. But it's the thought that counts. I don't think they'll let me call in fat. :-)


Thursday, August 2, 2012

Hunger Pains

This week has been pretty bad on my new lifestyle. The company I work for thinks that because all of our business is on Fri, Sat, and Sun, that we should have very little coverage Mon through Thur just due to the trend of retail shopping.
What my company doesn't understand is that next Wednesday the kids go back to school, and we are a very large provider of school uniforms in the Ft Myers area. So, we actually ARE busy during the week. So much so that 3 cashiers during the day and 1 at night are NOT working. As a supervisor, most days I'm stuck on the register instead of actually being able to do my job, which includes interacting with the customers in line and making sure they're even in the right line!!

Tuesday and Wednesday were the worst so far, with me having to pull back-up cashiers from the sales floor and even my manager running a register!! (That NEVER happens!!) Something happened to me on Tuesday I think, because my body kind of went numb and shut down on me.

Not like stroke numb or anything... But I no longer really FELT anything. My emotions were in turmoil, I was star-crossed between pissed off and sobbing uncontrollably; I had been on my feet all day and up the stairs no less than 20 times, which my orthopedic doctor said I should NOT be doing. I realized when I got home that I just wasn't hungry. I was hungry at breakfast, with my boring cereal. At lunch I guess I had some hunger because I managed to finish John's steak I'd brought with me.

But on my way home, after thinking about it, I wasn't hungry anymore. I had lunch around..... 2:00pm on Tuesday, and by 6:30 when I got home, I should have been hungry... but I wasn't. My husband forced me to eat a grilled cheese sammich because he was afraid I will make myself sick or something if I don't eat. But how can I eat when I have no hunger?

Same thing happened yesterday. I actually didn't feel hungry for breakfast, so I managed a bagel at least, knowing that I should have a hunger and that if I don't keep the routine it's possible I might stress myself into anorexia. Let me tell you, Ana and Mia are no friends of mine (anorexia and bulimia).

Around lunch I forgot to pack one for myself, so I ran to the gas station to get gas and find something to eat, because I knew it was "that time" to eat. I managed to find the un-healthiest thing in there and had that, a Pepsi and some chocolaty chex mix! I know I recorded a cup of the mix, but I'm betting it was closer to a half-cup... because I had that and I felt as if I'd just tucked in for a large buffet! I was "stuffed"!

My friend Terry says my body is just sort of shutting down as it responds to the stress of my week. After all, this is the first real time I've been stressed the way I have been in the past, and come to think of it, my body responded the same way.

I know I should feel hungry, like when I wake up after 8 hours of sleep, or after working for 4 hours and burning off the breakfast calories.... but I'm just not hungry. And when I do eat, it's a struggle. This morning I lost probably about half of my cereal... I ate the bowl and again felt like I'd eaten my way through a buffet, and I got immediately sick.

If this continues on into next week I will make an appointment with my doctor. I can't NOT eat obviously, and I hate feeling like I'm void of emotions and hunger pains. I have felt pretty numb most of the time this week, save for the times with my husband. But I still have no hunger pains!

I can only hope today will be somewhat easier. We tend to be better staffed on Thursday, though not quite as high-staffed as on the weekends, but more staffed than the earlier part of the week. We'll see.

Today's lyrics are oddly fitting. My brain just started singing this song...

I don't mind stealing bread from the mouths of decadence
But I can't feed on the powerless when my cup's already overfilled
But it's on the table
The fire is cooking and they're farming babies, while the slaves are working
The blood is on the table and their mouths are chocking
But I'm growing hungry
-"Hunger Strike" Temple of the Dog